Standing Up For Jesus
LARRY: There is much I could share regarding the 6 days I remained hospitalized, but there is one episode that will forever remain in my memory. One can only imagine my condition and discomfort by the time I had gotten to the 4th day without any bowel movement. To get out of bed and walk to the bathroom with everything connected to my body required special effort and was a bit tricky. Attempting to have a bowel movement on day four without being allowed to strain because of the incision was basically impossible and quite frustrating.
On day 4, I had gone from the bed to the bathroom multiple times only to be disappointed. I had consumed three meals per day for three days and yet had no bowel movement. A little after the dinner hour, on day four, I positioned myself on the toilet believing this time would be different and this time it was different. I felt a rock-hard stool lodged at the very edge of my anus and it scared me. It would not come out and would not go back. To compound the situation, a great deal of blood was squirting out onto the floor of the bathroom even though I was catheterized. I called my nurse and she provided another stool softener and pain meds to help me relax and sleep. The pain medication is counterproductive to the stool softener, which obviously presented a problem.
My discomfort and pain was compounded by the fact that numerous times blood clots stopped the blood and urine flow into the bag. The pain began without warning and escalated rapidly from a level 4 to 8 in a matter of seconds. Level 8 had me groaning and clinching the rails of my bed, but once the blood clots were dislodged the pain disappeared immediately.
Sometime in the middle of the night on the fourth day, when everything was so very quiet, I awoke because I felt a familiar pain, as if blood clots were beginning to block the flow into the urine bag. It was premature to call for the nurse because the pain level had not reached 4. I also felt the need to go to the bathroom, I was uncertain as to whether I could have a bowel movement, but desperately knew that I needed it. I slowly got out of bed still connected to everything that hindered my movement. As I stood there feeling helpless, I so wanted to get on my knees and pray to be engulfed by His presence and power. That’s what I had done in our small guest bedroom a few weeks earlier when I awoke and discovered the empty bag contained only dried blood—and I was terrified!
However, it was impossible to get on my knees with everything connected to my body. The rock-hard stool had not moved. I continued to feel pain in my stomach or bladder, and blood was again dripping on the floor. I stood there alone in the dark and felt very sorry for myself, and physically and emotionally miserable and distraught because I could neither poop nor pee nor get on my knees to pray—things that most of us take for granted daily.
It seemed like I stood there for a very long time, fear and frustration swirled all around me, but it was likely only a few seconds. I was standing and my hands were free. Suddenly, something told me I could stand up for Jesus, and I instinctively stood as tall as I could and extended both arms and hands into the air and thanked my God for all blessings, for all the undeserved forgiveness showered on my life, for the love of my family, for the incredible miracles I had experienced especially over the past 15 years, and right then I yielded to His will in my life and thanked Him again for the blessings of my 70 years. With tears in my eyes and a heart overflowing with gratitude, I truly let go.
Within a few moments while I stood in the middle of my room, praying with my hands still raised, the pain I assume from the clots subsided, and within a few more minutes, I went to the bathroom, and had my first bowel movement in four days. That rock-hard stool popped out like a golf ball and everything behind it was soft and easy.
Some might say the stool softener finally worked, some might say the pain was not due to blood clots but due to being constipated. I say it was all about my surrendering to His Will, letting go of my agenda, and expressing my sincere gratitude for my life.
By the way, I continued with regular bowel movements while in the hospital and never had to be flushed again due to blood clots stopping the flow into the bag. I did have more clots, but they all made it into the bag without any outside help, or maybe I did have outside Help?
I fell sound asleep, eager to share my experience with Lucia when she arrived the next day.
